Well here it is several days after our arrival back home from our kitty relocation road trip. I see that Goddess has already posted a blog about our get away…. I guess I am slacking, lol.

O.k… so kitty was delivered safely and time was spent with my younger brother (12 yrs my junior and practically like a son rather than sibling). The highlight of the weekend however was time away with Goddess sans kids and hubbies.

Don’t get me wrong, we love them all dearly…. But the time and energy we expend in their care and the care of the home does not leave much time for the two of us. I am sure you can imagine the laundry for 13 is in and of itself a full time chore. Thanks to the second laundry room Fix has installed we are finally able to keep up with it now.

But I digress…… We had 12 hours worth of round trip driving to converse and several hours of quiet time in the hotel to reconnect and enjoy each others company. All in all it was a wonderful weekend and the time away was just what we needed. Sometimes I think we are so focused on the needs of everyone else like most mommies and wives we forget to take time for ourselves to just be ‘us’.

Temptress.

Temptress and I had a lovely weekend.  There we were – two women who adore each other and no distractions.  No kids, no husbands, no dishes, and no responsibilities other than to meet in an appointed place and hand off an animal that needed a ride to its new home. 

We spent the six hour ride (each way) in conversation.  Mostly, I could say it was a meeting of the Mutual Admiration Society, but we were lost in each other’s company.  Back home in the “real world” there are so many factions vying for our time and attention that although we are together a lot, we rarely have each other for any quality time.  At home we’re Mommies and wives – and that takes ever so much time and energy. 

The best part of being away was how free we were to enjoy each other the way we wanted, without fear of being “spotted” or recognized.  Freedom is a privilege that most take for granted; the freedom to be who you are and to express that in an open and public way.  It wasn’t that we carried any poly banners with us, but that we felt free to hold hands over dinner, sneak kisses at traffic lights (to the shock and awe of some people in cars behind us), and stand a little closer than normal. 

It wasn’t that those behaviors were any more publicly acceptable where we were, just that we didn’t know anyone, and felt relatively assured that we’d never see any of those people again.  Mr. Big had something to say about our playful public behavior.  It was something along the lines of “no right to disturb those people’s world.”  But we really didn’t care.  If that 60+ year old woman in the elevator can’t deal with the fact that we were vacationing as “wives” then she shouldn’t have asked so many personal conversations of strangers.  Hey, SHE ASKED.                        ~Goddess, 4-24-06

I was asked to write an introduction blog for this site, not even sure what a blog is, but here we go…

Hello, I’m Fix. I’m the better half of the two because I fix everything! (LOL) I am a jack-of-all-trades and master of none. One wife says I sell myself short. But I enjoy my work and I can do or fix practically anything. Of course, my work is never done around here. I maintain the house and grounds in addition to my full time job with utilities work. The women think they have it bad taking care of the kids, but just try taking care of the house that HOLDS all the kids.

I thought the idea of this website was a little goofy to start, but now that it’s going, I’m hoping to get some more information from others like us. I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional family and my desire is to break the cycle and make this generation better than the one I experienced. I’m not always great at it, and it’s a work in progress, but my heart is in the right place, and it’s what I want for my kids, all of them. The kids call me a marshmallow because sad puppy dog eyes will get me every time. I can also be hard headed and very firm with what I expect from everyone.

Always having a parent at home for the children, always having back up for one of us in an emergency (like recently when one of us experienced a death in the family and had to leave very suddenly), and the basic benefit of having four parents providing different skill sets are all wonderful ways our quad pulls together and makes things work for our family. Each of us brings something special to the children. Some of the children want to learn how to fix; other children just need to know someone can take care of them. There is security in numbers, so things are still taken care of when some are down and some are out. (See blog: “This was not in the brochure…”) The beauty of our arrangement is no one is left alone.

… not sure what else to say, other than, Howdy!

I can’t recall how long ago it was when I first heard the expression “Domestic Goddess” but I took to it right away.  Mr. Big and I had been married about three minutes when I came to the conclusion the only way I could fulfill my purposes in life was to the be the very best at everything I did.  Certainly, I wasn’t setting the bar too high, no, not me.  I would be the one who could pull it off. 

I remember being in high school going through all the college and career building stuff and thinking, “I know I’m supposed to be a woman of the 80s, but what I really, truly want, is to be a woman of the 50s.”  Growing up as an only child with a single parent, all I ever wanted was a big family.  And I didn’t mean 2.5 children and a dog, I meant BIG, like mind blowingly large.  Really, The Brady Bunch was the goal.  I wanted people to look at me and say, “There goes the woman/family with all the kids.” 

I began my first year of marriage, finished my last year of college, and had our first babies all in the same year.  I was on my way!  LOL, how funny I find that now, looking back, at how young I was and how clouded my vision by the stereotypes and fairy tales I’d grown up hearing. 

18 years and 15 children later (some of those kids had been on temporary loan from time to time) I’ve come to the understanding that if everyone has had a warm healthy breakfast and clean clothes to wear (even if they are plucked just that day from the clean clothes basket still sitting in the laundry area) then I’m not doing too bad.  If I manage to get the dishes and extra food dealt with, even better.  And if I’m dressed for the day, the bed (mine) is made, and I can walk a clear path between all important rooms without fear of a broken leg, then it has been a banner day indeed! 

I’ve come to the conclusion that the laundry will never be caught up, that the kitchen cabinets will rarely all be shut at the same time, and the bathrooms will never sparkle without first having discovered some hideous substance mucked around the toilet base.  At this point, it’s about setting priorities, and learning what battles are really important.  If my children remember their please and thank you manners, are respectfully polite to strangers as well as their family, hold tight to their faith through the tough times, and learn to love others with the largest of giving hearts, then really, I’ll consider myself a successful parent. 

So, let’s talk about this Goddess thing.  I guess it’s always there in the back of my head, haunting my thoughts and ruling my actions; this thought that I can do and be all for my family.  But really, it’s a myth.  And at some point along the path of Fisher Price furniture and Legos and Barbie shoes I realized laughter was what I wanted out of life.  Not the comic café’ type of laughter, but those cackles of delight all parents hear when a child is being pushed on the swing, or opens the favored birthday gift, or realizes we’re having chocolate pudding for dessert.  It’s a sound that melts the heart and warms the soul. 

Nonetheless, the SuperMom thing is back there.  It never goes away.  And sometimes the wannabe Goddess in me comes out.  Like when the Loves of our poly life came to visit for the first time as more than just friends.  My evil Martha Stewart everything must be perfect and spit shined she-devil came to visit for a few days.  The house had to be perfect, and it was, well, mostly.  But here is where the nickname comes in (hang in there with me, I tend to get a little distracted and off track at times, but usually I can pull it all together again). 

At some point in the visit, somebody from my SE family spilled or dropped something that Temptress thought was too far gone.  The perfect hostess in me stepped up to the plate and got that stain out of there in no time flat.  It wasn’t that much of a miracle, just a concoction of my favorite laundry chemicals and some TLC.  About two hours later, a similar situation occurred, and sometime before the weekend was out my domestic side was back in business and my new nickname, “The Laundry Goddess” was born. 

From there it became a joke.  “Oh, don’t worry about that mud-grass-chocolate-red Kool Aid stain.  The Laundry Goddess can fix that.”  I began to feel like the kids were just testing me to see how much ground in grossness I could remove from there clothing.  It was almost a game for me.  And when I first laid eyes on a pair of Fix’s work jeans complete with greasy stains from what must be 5 years ago, I set out to break my own records.  That’s when the Temptress started rolling her eyes and calling me a show-off.  But it made the kids smile and cheer and THAT was enough of an ego boost to last for weeks. 

~Goddess, 4-21-06

So Mr. Big is allergic to cats. Not a little bit allergic…we are talking major allergic here !

Since the blending of our family 4 short months ago we have tried to incorporate our furbaby ( 9 yr old male kitty) into the family. Well after much deliberation we have come to the painful conclusion that our former indoor kitty can not be an outdoor kitty and is in fact very lonely without his humans. A few calls to family members now finds our furbaby about to be the new resident of my brothers home a few states away.

So the question is… how to get the furbaby there. Simple… Goddess and I have sweetly begged and cajoled the father type’s into agreeing to let us 2 girls split for the weekend and drive the furbaby 5 hours away to meet up with my brother and hand off said kitty.

So dear readers…. as of early Saturday, Goddess and I are heading out for parts unknown…. A full weekend, just us two girls and total anonymity. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh , sheer bliss !

Temptress

Ok…. So we got tired of taking 2 vehicles whenever we wanted to go out as a family. The solution for a family of 13….. a bus.

I kid you not… we bought a bus. It is similar to a hotel shuttle… not an orange school bus. The thing is painted white…. Straight white no other markings at all. Fix has decided it needs some pin striping and maybe a design… a logo to stand for our blended family.

So he has been hard at work designing one and lo and behold he thinks he has it. We of course think it is rather reminiscent of the bat signal. Or at the very least a sci-fi spider. I think we are conspicuous enough driving around in a bus without a huge creature painted across the side. But I guess that is truly better than the Poly infinity symbol my “I don’t care who knows we’re poly” hubby had originally wanted to paint on it. Yikes !

Temptress

We have discussed at length the decision we have made to not clue the children in to the full meaning of our blended family.

Several months ago when Fix and I moved our crew closer to “the nest” geographically, we began spending weekends together as a ‘family’. As the weeks wore on when we gathered our bags to return to “our home” each Sunday night the kids began to balk. Really all of us moving in together happened MUCH sooner than planned at the insistence of ALL of the kids. In total honesty the children have melded far better than we could have hoped. Especially with 9 of them still at home and those all being 13 and under. They call each other ”brother” and ”sister”… and on most occasions the “aunt” and “uncle” status granted the opposing parental units becomes Mom 1.. Mom2 and so forth. They have even taken our last names and combined them into a new last name that they are currently lobbying to have changed so we can all have the same name. Really we just could not have asked for better.

With that said….. they have NO knowledge of the full relationship details of our quad. And we have no current plans to enlighten them. And that includes the 19 yr old living away at school. Because the kids seemed to have blended us without our prompting and they are perfectly happy in this situation we can’t really see a reason to bring “full disclosure” on the scene at this time. We already are careful of looks, caresses and touches because of our jobs, social status and non-informed family members. Yes we would love to be free at home to so open affection to spouses and SE’s, but currently we feel in the best interest of young minds we are making the best choice we can.

If asked point blank by one of them… we intend to be very truthful and we will honestly answer question …. But we are in hope we have a few more years before we have to do that.

Temptress, 4-20-06

Well, this was all my big idea in the first place, although it was one of those “could we?” when I really meant, “will YOU?”  I’m not totally technically illiterate, but if it’s much outside the scope of word processing, email, or simple surfing I require the assistance of Tech Support Personnel or my now live in computer savvy love.  Apparently I’ve held out much too long on my first blog entry and the Temptress is beginning to get a bit testy.  And let me tell you, I’d rather have my face sucked off by leaches than have that woman upset at me for even a second.  So, here I sit, keyboard at hand and children under foot trying to decide what it is I should say. 

I’m totally jazzed about this site, our new blog, and the possibilities of networking within the poly community.  I am hoping to find a voice, and some ears, for the experiences I’m sure we’ll face as we maneuver our way through uncharted territory.  I’m expecting some trials, but I have hope that our good days outnumber the less than blissful ones.  And above all, I’m certain that our commitment to our primaries, to this quad, and to our children will sustain us when we feel weak in the face of uncertainty.  

“The uncommitted life isn’t worth living.” ~~Marshall Fishwick 

“A total commitment is paramount to reaching the ultimate in performance.” ~~ Tom Flores 

~Goddess, 4-18-06

You know that old nursery rhyme …..

There was a little girl with a little curl,
right in the middle of her forehead….
When she was good she was very very good.
When she was bad she was horrid.

Well when you are part of a quad….. when it is good it is amazing.
When it isn’t… well it’s a scary and unsettling time.

We have said from the very beginning that the one single emotion that had no place in our quad and that would tear us apart was jealousy. That nasty little green monster can wreak havoc in the most stable of relationships.

I don’t want to say that our quad is unique…but we really are a perfect blend. 2 women eerily similar whose strengths and weakness’s play off each other. 2 men who are complete polar opposites. One has no idea the difference between a Phillips or a straight screwdriver… the other feels that the world would be lost without them.
Goddess and I have said more than once that our SE ( Significant Extra) males were the men we ” thought” we would marry, rather then the ones we did.

This said…. now that she and I have the best of both worlds we find our selves in a quandary. We each are enamored with our SE’s skills which leaves our primaries feeling a bit pea green at times. So the balance for us is to enjoy our SE’s and their strengths and not to forget to fawn with equal fervor over the primaries.

In many poly relationships there are not primary and secondary relationships, there is just “a” relationship. In ours however this currently is what works best for us.

I awoke this morning feeling unsettled and with concern for what this day held for my loves and myself. Now as the sun sets I feel at peace as I can see once more we are settling back into our comfort zones once again. Each day brings it’s challenges .. but it also brings great joy. And in times of strife we have to not forget to look ahead and see the joy waiting there in the wings for us to grab hold of once more.

Temptress

o.k… So in a house with 9 kiddos and 4 parental units one would expect the trading off of duties.
One would also expect that when a parent was un able to carry out parenting duties one of the other 3 could pull up the slack. Of course I am really referring to the task of being ” The Mommy.”

So the Goddess and I both awake to fever, chills, aches pains and the desire to be 6 ft under. Fix has already left for work an hour away. And Mr. Big is out of town on business. It isn’t long before the Goddess and I realize that we are in big trouble…

The 5 elementary kids have missed the bus, the baby and preschooler need caring for… and 2 of the middle schoolers are off to school… our YM13 has graciously BEGGED to stay home and “take of things”.

So what do you do when BOTH mommies are down. Well lucky us.. we called a Daddy. Fix finished a small project and drove the hour home to tend the kiddos. He really came to the rescue. Kids got a trip to the park… he grocery shopped.. WITH KIDS !! All were bathed and bedded by the appropriate hour and thru it all he graciously brought medicines and beverages to the sick bed and tended the ailing mommies.

As Goddess and I laid there contemplating our demise we came to the conclusion that as much as we relished the thought of actually getting to spend a full 12 hours in bed together… THIS was not the way to do it !

All in all… we survived, as did the kiddos and now poor Fix is the ailing one.

Temptress

Well here we are…. officially in the closet as a blended poly family and we now have not only a blog, but our own website. Go Figure

From time to time one of the 4 of us will drop a rambling, a thought, or a complete melt down here in our blog.
Check when you have the time and feel free to drop a comment or reply to us.

Temptress