I thoroughly enjoyed Mel Gibson’s movie “What Women Want”. I find that even hearing your own thoughts, it’s not always easy to know what you want yourself. I’ve always enjoyed creating friends. I find that I’m very emotional and quite the conversationalist so I prefer the company of women who seem to have more of these two things themselves especially compared to most men. Additionally, if a conversation gets to emotional, tears and hugs might be involved and I must admit that women are much more fun to hug and hold in my opinion. I would be hard pressed to find any girls who crossed my path during school years that I didn’t have a crush on.

Seventh grade seemed to be the year when I finally learned to talk to girls. Pushing them and throwing things at them were only getting me so far. One young lady agreed to wear my leather bracelet for four whole months showing the rest of the kids around us that she was mine. We talked on the phone every night and I found out that I melt when given any compliments what so ever. We actually were dropped of at a movie together, “Scavenger Hunt” as I recall, and held hands the entire time. She promised me a kiss on one of those evening calls that I never got to collect on. Apparently her two closest girlfriends thought I was cocky and strutted when I walked.

My other girlfriend that year was the result of a sock-hop, my first exposure to slow dancing. At the skating ring the next week, we were holding hands when my buddy and his girlfriend dared me to kiss her. I planted a “kiss your Mama” peck somewhere near her mouth. My buddy said that’s not a kiss, and kissed his girlfriend a little longer. Not to be outdone, my girlfriend leaned me over and stuck her tongue down my throat. It took me a few months to decide if I liked that or not and to digest the ramifications of it all. Unfortunately, her girlfriend didn’t like me either.

I sort of lost my touch at finding longer relationships for a few years. I had a few girls go out 2-3 dates and I could usually coax someone into going to a school dance with me but never to a second one. High school was tough – math geeks were not on the must have list. All that changed as I started working and going to college. A finance major working as a CD broker made my high school letter in mathematics more attractive. Two girlfriends over an eighteen month period introduced me to something even more enjoyable than French kissing.

After the second breakup, my world was going to change forever. One of my friend-girls had a girlfriend. This time it worked in my favor. I seemed to be stumbling through my first few attempts at asking for a date. My friend-girl figured out I needed help in this area and set us up. We were engaged three weeks later. We made it official at the one year dating anniversary and got married a year later. This year marks 20 years since that first date. She was the only woman I ever met that I couldn’t live without. She molded herself to me and my world revolved around her. My love has grown for her in such a way that no other love I’ve ever known has ever rivaled.

I did my best to avoid relationships with other women because of what it could lead to. I slipped twice. I found myself beginning to get emotionally attached to a woman in a Bible study with me once. I told my wife about it immediately and we changed Churches over it. The second time was a girlfriend of hers that stayed with us for way too long. After a year of having another woman in the house to provide for and protect, the playfulness went too far. This time it took me a few days to come clean with Goddess, but she heard it from me. My wife is easily bruised and I tend to be a bull in a china shop. All the bruising I’ve done over our lives totaled up won’t compare with the pain I caused her in that one weekend though.

A year later, we started pursuing polyamory not even knowing the word. The biggest draw was having other adults in our life that we were as totally transparent with and free with as we were with each other. Another couple began to be what we pictured in our mind’s eye. Others to travel with and be close to, but the idea of living together hadn’t entered the picture. We were at a point where we were open to the idea, but I knew from my experience with previous girl’s friends that it would be something only Goddess could put together.

Goddess already had some interest in Fix and Temptress. The girls were best friends and were open to it becoming more. Fix and Goddess seemed to have some instant chemistry going. The only question was how Temptress and I would get along so we began talking and IMing at length. We both got to a point where we could be very close friends and lovers. The girls both got comfortable with the poly ideas of loving another not taking away your love for the first. We have dealt with all sorts of jealousy issues over the last year and a half and are still standing as a unit. We have lived under the same roof for over a year raising our combined families with a total of ten children together.

Fix and I seem to co-exist pretty well even though we are polar opposites. We both have put everything and everyone important in our lives in one place and are working hard to protect and provide for them. Our quad functions more as a set of double hinged triads than anything else.

As we grew, a few differences in perspective arose. Temptress’s feeling for me outgrew mine for her and time has not yet corrected this. Even with the imbalance in feelings, I have no problem committing to be a part of this family for life. If anything happens to Fix or me, the family is not torn apart. A father and husband would still be here for the family. I’m lucky enough to have two women who love and adore me and I can’t imagine wanting to be anywhere else. Temptress gives me someone to share all of those activities with that Goddess cares nothing about. I want to be and do for her everything she needs just as I do for Goddess.

Another difference in perspective is how to conduct relationships outside the quad. Temptress especially but also Goddess have found that they want little outside of the immediate family. The term “quadnogamous” has been coined to describe their specific blend of foursome poly-fi.

I like the idea of compersion when your lover finds other loves. Now I do have many concerns with fluid-bonding in an age when STDs can kill you and people fall together in bed so easily. If they’ll sleep with me that easily, I’m probably not the only one. Who knows what diseases I could bring into a closed quad. I also have no interest in having a lover that doesn’t fit in with the entire tribe and can imagine very few people would ever adapt to this insanity. I do not want a distant relationship that only I know. I also like the idea of “let your relationships be what they are.” In my thinking, polyamory allows me to develop friendships with women that have the potential of becoming very deep relationships. I’m not expecting any of these would ever become lovers because I can’t imagine Goddess and Temptress ever would meet a woman, through me or otherwise, that they would want in our family. Almost as hard to imagine is a woman who would want to be part of this clan. This is what has been ingrained from a lifetime of the woman’s girlfriends making or breaking the deal. Based on that, any relationships I find will be severely limited physically.

Out of a desire for the happiness of the women in my household, I will limit my relationships as they request. I will insist that they think through it and discuss things rather than making rash decisions. For instance, I find that Goddess sets her limits leaving me room to negotiate so I now know not to except the first verdict. I find Temptress will respond out of fear of her place with me or from jealousy. I do believe you can ask anything you want if you ask the right way. Finding the right way to ask takes many attempts sometimes. It’s sort of like walking through a minefield with a “do-over” button when you get blown up. My past transgressions make them doubt my willingness to turn down any opportunities presented. I choose to let my past mistake serve as an inoculation as opposed to serving as proof that I will fail again.

I find myself desperately seeking people to talk to about the quad that are not in the quad. People that understand and accept this poly life we’ve chosen. I keep both women here very involved and aware of all such conversations. I’m trying to find a level that makes us all happy. Thus my three or four “friend-girls” that I hope will not fade away, get frightened away, or demand that I back up an emotional relationship with a physical one. I just hope that all of their girlfriends like me!