As is our holiday tradition, we began putting up our Christmas/Yule décor on Saturday.  The boxes come out of storage, the trees are purchased, and the entire atmosphere in the house changes.  For those who say “Christmas is for children,” haven’t celebrated in our family, because everyone seems to get caught up in the giddiness of the holidays.

Along with the merriment is the onslaught of “I want…” comments fueled by overactive advertisers and the fantasy of the man in red delivering presents.  We talk about Santa, but prefer to call him Father Christmas or speak of that character in the spirit of giving.  Our children are very accustomed to believing in mythical and symbolic creatures because Temptress and I encourage them to do so.

In addition to Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy, our family also recognizes many other creatures as well.  We sometimes have visits from the House Fairy (for especially clean rooms) – http://housefairy.org – and at times we leave offerings to the Sprites and Brownies in our home, asking for their assistance in locating missing items.  At other times we are prone to ask for our thoughts back, speaking into mid air.  We happily observe photo orbs, amusingly asking which of our ancestors may be with us in spirit in that moment.  And when we moved in, we enlisted the help of mighty guardians (some might call them angels) with the protection of our dwelling.

We have raised our children to believe in the things unseen.  The most profound of these beliefs is the choice to acknowledge The Creator, to have daily relationship with our Deity.  And yes, it is a choice.  Faith is the matter of knowing something is real even when you cannot see it or touch it tangibly.

We also subscribe to belief in Karma, that what you send into the Universe will revisit you times three.  So call it “reaping what you sow,” but what you are inside, what you believe in travels with you; it speaks of your character, and it makes your heaven or hell right here in this world.

Growing up I was taught about the darker characters and the consequences they face.  “The trouble with liars is that they cannot believe in anyone else.”  “The problem with cheating is that you trust nothing is safe.”  “Ugliness comes back on you, so do right, be light.”

On Thanksgiving Day our family played a round of Apples to Apples, one of our favorite group games.  The purpose of the game is assigning a noun (person, place, or thing) with a descriptive term (liberty, wealth, freedom, glamour, etc.)  For instance, if the term is “weird” then each person puts in their choice of options from their hand of cards.  In a game of eight players, there might be cards naming “Modern Art,” “Ozzy Osburn,” “My Family,” “Cooking Shows”, or maybe even “chores.”  So who decides what is weird or not?  Each of us do, in turn.  The game is hugely representative of the associations we make in life.

There are a lot of ideologies in this world that are not concrete; they are not hard and fast examples.  Who is kind?  Is it the altruistic millionaire?  Or the elderly on fixed income that donates her time to charity?  Do we have to choose?  Or can it be both?  What is freedom?  Is it having the right to burn that very symbol of freedom in protest?  Or is it having the right to marry whom you love, regardless of their gender identity?  Who is a genius?  Einstein, Shakespeare, DaVinci, Bill Gates?  What about the mechanic that figures out that odd buzzing in your HVAC unit?  What about the teacher that touches the creative soul inside a neglected child?  And what is hope?  Is it the one who wishes for financial freedom by playing the lottery?  Or is it the parent who prays over a sick child?  However you define these unspecified notions, it is all based on how one connects with the unseen.

There is a great line from The Santa Clause, when young Charlie asks his step father, “Have you ever seen a million dollars? Just because you can’t see something, doesn’t mean is doesn’t exist.”  And that truth is evident in many areas of adult life.  Everything of worth in our existence hinges on faith; that the sun will rise, that the seasons will change, that we will live through our car ride to work, that our daily purpose is part of a larger picture.

I feel sorry for those “show me” types; to whom everything must be proven.  Our life here is uncertain and we have no guarantees.  H2O can be proven, 1+1+1=3 can be proven, even Newton’s Law can be proven.  But how can love be proven?  How can support and encouragement be proven?  They can’t; those qualities can only be recognized by the heart.  And in many cases, you have to want to see them when they aren’t glaringly apparent.

I remember well a lesson I learned many years ago, “Just because somebody doesn’t love you the way you want to be loved, doesn’t mean they aren’t loving you with everything they have.”  We don’t have any control over how someone else shows us love, all we can do it decide how we will respond.  Sometimes the evidence takes a long time to manifest. Repaying insults with blessings can transform a hardened heart. 

Pollyanna had the right idea.  Rainbows and sunshine and random acts of kindness can make a difference.  The world is a better place when we believe in dragons and unicorns.  Our lives are a bit more magical when we expect goodness from all creatures.  And just in case, carry a bit of pixie dust in your pocket.

~the laundry goddess, November 30, 2008

It’s been three weeks since we first posted about our attempt to make our own washing detergent… for those not interested in our domestic diva-ness, feel free to skip along.  For everyone else, here is my Frugal Follow Up:  I made roughly 3.5 gal of liquid detergent, it lasted exactly three weeks.  The clothes look just as good, smell fantastic, and have a nice soft feeling to them.

In addition to cleaning our clothes, I’ve discovered (because, yes, I’m just that OCD) the detergent also cleans the inside of my washing machine as well.  You know that gross scummy build up that accumulates under the rim and down inside the fabric softener dispenser?  Well, my machine is free of it, and this time, not of my doing.  I used to go in about twice a month with an old toothbrush and scrub it out.  This time, I didn’t have to.  The combination of soap and vinegar did all the work for me, and there is no more build up.  Color me happy!

So today, I set about making another batch of detergent.  It took not quite 25 minutes to grind the soap, melt it, mix in the additives, and dilute into the 5 gal bucket, and then clean up my mess – How easy is that?  This time I bumped the borax a bit and made just shy of a full 5 gal bucket.  According to my research I was over soaping (I just wanted to make sure it worked the first time) so I’m looking forward to seeing how the more dilute mixture works, but I expect it will be the same.

At this time, no amount of money could make me switch back to store bought detergent.  I feel good about my clothes, and our clothes feel good on us!

~the laundry goddess, 11-28-08

Welcome to our Half Nekkid Thursday, Thanksgiving edition…  We held off until late this evening so as not to interupt other festivities, but here it is.  I took this one just recently, and I have to say I’m rather proud of it.  Finally everyone gets a glimpse of the woman in my life.

To our Dear Readers,

Sending Thanksgiving Blessings!

Temptress and I spent several hours in the kitchen yesterday, preparing all the ingredients, mixing the brine soak, and laying out all the necessary table décor.  It will just be our 13 this year for dinner, but that is still a feast of epic proportions.  For those interested, I’m listing our menu for the day:

Turkey

Dressing

Gravy

Creamed potatoes

Cranberry salad

Jellied cranberry sauce

Green bean casserole

Cheesy tofu bake (referred to by Big as “macafoni”)

7 layer salad

Pecan Pie

Pumpkin Pie

Sweet peach tea

and

our favorite Johannesburg Riesling for the adults

I’m not feeling all that grateful this year, so instead of traditional nostalgic gratitude such is customary, I’m going to share with you a bit of holiday humor.  For those of you who may not have seen the Pauly Shore movie Son in Law, there is a Thanksgiving scene that is positively hilarious!  Of course, it is true Pauly Shore style all the way, but a good B movie all the same.

This year when while the food is digesting, spend some quality time laughing with your family.  I do believe it is the “best medicine.”

~the laundry goddess, November 27, 2008

A few weeks ago my cell phone conked out on me, we had a slight repair, and then as it happens to go, it failed to power up…  so, I used my upgrade option and went with a new Samsung Rant, in sexy red.  It is a very cool phone, but the problem is, the instruction manual is like the New York City phone book.

Does anyone else have a Rant that wants to IM about how this blessed thing works??  If so, send a message to my email, goddess@ourpolylife.org and leave me your Yahoo IM ID… 

THANKS!  the laundry goddess

What is your favorite Thanksgiving food?

LG~ For years it was the Turkey thigh, but in the last few years it has become the dressing loaded with Cranberry Salad, a family recipe that belonged to Temptress’ Grandma.

T~ Ghee’s Cranberry Salad

You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?

LG~ I don’t know the bands well enough, but I’d say it would be targeted towards the Gangsta’ Rap with all the foul language and hate messages, as I think it undermines the tolerance of all.  But then again, it isn’t really limited to Rap, is it?

T~ Anything in the 80’s nasty screaming angry punk stuff.

You seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy crap, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?

LG~ A hundred dollars doesn’t go very far in terms of spreading it around, so I think (depending on the day) I either spend it at JoAnne’s Fabrics or go get a massage.

T~ I’m taking Goddess to dinner.

What is your favorite curse word?

LG~ Even though I don’t use it very often, the phrase that I always go back to… “Take a flying f*ck at a rolling doughnut.”  Extra points for those who know who said it first.

T~ “Shyte!”

Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?

LG~ Depends on if I can come back or not…  Let’s assume the present can be restored and this is just a pleasure trip, then I’m targeting for 1996 or there about…  I’d love having the last few years with my grandmother again.

T~ I’m traveling to the mid 16^th century.  I want to spend time with a Wise Woman learning the old ways.

Bonus (as in optional): You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What’s it gonna be?

LG~ I want the ability to change people’s thought processes…  Think of it as microwave psychotherapy.  I could put an end to racial injustices, religious prejudices, and dysfunctional messages.

T~ I want to be able to heal children.

How many times in this life are we faced with decisions that have no clear cut answers?  How often must we make judgment calls on what is “right” and “fair” and “just?”

Today I caught one of our children in a situation that could at best be considered a lie by omission and at worst a manipulation by intent.  It was one of those situations where it would have felt better if the child was a puppy and the appropriate course of action was to just rub their noses in their own mess, but alas, children are not so easily trained as canines.

The challenge came not from a lack of acceptable consequences, but knowing that the best choice for the child put other adults (outside our home) in a predicament.  Or worse, another adult’s irresponsibility interferes with our ability to appropriately discipline said offending child.  Have I confused you yet?  Ok, here it is a little more clearly:

Scout, our young man 14, frequently spends time with his paternal grandparents.  He loves being able to be Chef on Duty for them, and I think down deep he loves the fact that their failing health issues “need” his presence.  They, in return, seem to be totally grateful that he is willing to care for them, if even on a part time basis.

To complicate matters, Big’s younger brother (7 years his junior) has always had a tough time standing on his own feet.  Now at age 34, he’s living in his parents smallish home with his two elementary aged children who are nothing short of taxing.  In addition, he is sometimes accompanied by his ex-wife while they scuffle through an on-again, off-again relationship.

I will refrain from my biased discourse on the psychological basis for Baby Brother’s immature lifestyle, but I can comment he feels everyone should sympathize with and tolerate his neediness and absurd circumstances without any recompense.  He sees the world through selfish eyes and lives his life in victim mode.

With that understanding, when Scout is at the Grandparent’s place, he is also cooking and cleaning for the Uncle and cousins, or in more recent months, doing a good deal of childcare due to the elder’s health restrictions.  For this service he takes no pay, only an opportunity to escape life at home and be useful in another environment.

Part of our family rule is that the children are free to come and go for social functions as long as their room is in decent order.  We do not expect perfection, as they are teenagers after all, but we do expect compliance with their laundry, a room cleaned to basic standards, and completion of their one assigned weekend chore.  And thusly, we arrive at the dilemma of the day…

Uncle called a few days ago, looking for a teen child who wanted to “come and hang out” with his children while he was at work, thereby “reducing the stress” on grandparents which by all measures should NOT be in a care taking role of children of that age and vigor.  Scout agreed, with anticipation, and was advised he could go as long as his expected duties were handled.

Thursday is Scout’s laundry day with Friday overflow.  That means he is supposed to put in the first load before he leaves for school in the morning, and continue upon his return home.  If he has extra need, he may roll over into Friday to finish.  On Thursday morning this week I said to him, “Did you get that washer going yet?”  At which point he jumped up from the table, chanting “laundry day!” and ran downstairs.  He returned in time to fly out the front door to the bus.

Later that afternoon, I said to him, “How’s that laundry coming?” and on Friday morning and afternoon, other reminders.  Saturday morning I looked at him and asked, “Someone else will need the washer and dryer today, are all of your things out of the way?”  To which he replied with a testosterone based grunt of affirmation.

This morning as he puttered around the house, I inquired again if he was doing everything that needed before his departure.  I was again assured that everything was being taken care of as needed.  Later in the afternoon, through another teen’s slip-up, we came to discover that there was NO WAY that Scout could have done any laundry at all this week.

When questioned he backpedaled on a technicality.  When pressed to the truth, he became defensive and belligerent.  My tone must have escalated somewhat because Big made an appearance, an action so unlike him.  I stepped back and let the Father have a go at it.  The stubborn Scout stood firm on his verbal loophole, edging closer and closer to unacceptable dispute behavior.  He was dismissed until all parties could calm down, but not before I had a last word regarding our intolerance for lying and need for parents to be able to trust a teen.

The parents huddled in the office to discuss the offense.  We all felt he was lying, whether by omission or technicality, he still mislead me.  He had not done the work he was supposed to do; he had not done things he inferred were complete.  The problem was an appropriate consequence.  Under other circumstances, he would have been restricted to home until next week’s laundry cycle was complete, but…  The Uncle was already at work, the grandparents were already alone with the cousins, and they NEEDED help.  We decided to allow Scout his duties, but with some more strict consequences upon his arrival home.

The deeper issue here is how he has broken trust.  As the next weeks and months roll past, I will be forced to double check every answer; every task assigned.  This fourteen year old teen will now require the parental trappings of a child half that age.  But more pointedly, it undermines the parent-teen relationship.

What a teen usually fails to understand is how vitally important it is to build on the little things.  If we trust them with laundry, and homework, and grades, and dishes, then it is infinitely easier to trust them with friends, and activities, and cars in the future. 

Perhaps it is a lesson everyone should learn, that to be trusted with much you must first be trustworthy with little.  And maybe this situation is just a link to the larger issue of one’s character.  American Humorist Evan Esar (1899-1995) once said, “Character is what you have left when you’ve lost everything you can loose.” 

The young man is testing a lot of boundaries for himself and taking early steps toward his adult character.  I have a lot of faith in his core being, but we make a lot of choices for ourselves as we age, and I’m hoping he learns some powerful lessons while he still has the loving arms of his family to support him through the early mistakes.  One day he’ll be on his own with nothing but his ethics and integrity to sustain him and the rest of the world won’t be nearly as compassionate as this Mommy.

~the laundry goddess, November 23, 2008

It’s Friday !!!

Ewwwwwwwwwww !!!!

A friend forwarded this to us today, and after reading it, I’m willing to post it here as another perspective we should consider in the larger debate of “who gets to make choices for the rest of us” controversy.  I am not aware of the author, but the link is given for credit of his original thought.

The original article is here.

A Marriage Manifesto… Of Sorts

By Tom Ackerman
November 17, 2008

I no longer recognize marriage. It’s a new thing I’m trying.

Turns out it’s fun.

Yesterday I called a woman’s spouse her boyfriend.

She says, correcting me, “He’s my husband,”
“Oh,” I say, “I no longer recognize marriage.”

The impact is obvious. I tried it on a man who has been in a relationship for years,

“How’s your longtime companion, Jill?”
“She’s my wife!”
“Yeah, well, my beliefs don’t recognize marriage.”

Fun. And instant, eyebrow-raising recognition. Suddenly the majority gets to feel what the minority feels. In a moment they feel what it’s like to have their relationship downgraded, and to have a much taken-for-granted right called into question because of another’s beliefs.

Just replace the words husband, wife, spouse, or fiancé with boyfriend, girlfriend, special friend, or longtime companion. There is a reason we needed stronger words for more serious relationships. We know it; now they can see it.

A marriage is a lot of things. Culturally, it’s a declaration to the community that two people are now a unit, and that unity should be respected. Legally, it’s a set of rights and responsibilities. And spiritually, it’s whatever your beliefs think it is.

That’s what’s so great about America. As a Constitutionally secular nation, or at least in reality a vaguely pluralistic nation, we can all have our own spiritual take on what marriage is. What’s troublesome is when one group’s spiritual beliefs deny the cultural and legal rights of another.

But, back to the point. They say their beliefs don’t recognize my marriage, I say my beliefs don’t recognize theirs. Simple. It may seem petty, and obviously the legal part of the cultural/legal/spiritual trilogy is flip-floppy, but it may be the cultural part that really matters.

People get married to be recognized as a permanent couple. To be acknowledged by friends, family, and strangers as being off the market, in a relationship, totally hooked up, yikes… it’s impossible to say without saying ‘married.’ We wear rings to declare this!

So, we can take this away. We can refuse to recognize marriage in the cultural sense. It is totally within our rights, as Americans, to follow our beliefs and recognize or not recognize what we like.

I guess this is a call out to all Americans with beliefs similar to mine.

If you believe that all people should have equal rights, and if you believe that marriage is one of the greatest destinations of a relationship, then perhaps you believe that nobody should have marriage until everybody does.

That’s what I believe.

Tom Ackerman is a photographer and art director who lives in New York City. 

(But really, when have you EVER known me to be worless?)

Temptress began a massive overhaul of our craft room this morning while I slept in…  And due to my inability to over write the childhood message that one doesn’t sit idley by while another works, I garnered my best game face and with the help of some great OTCs, we launched in together to complete the reorganization that is now at 8pm, nearly complete.  It’s nice, very comfortable for us, and feels more open.  Our chi must be happy now…

When did you last use your cellular phone as a flashlight?

LG~ Two days ago.  But I do that all the time, is there something wrong with that?

T~ A couple of days ago!

On a scale from 1-10, how comfy are you being naked?

LG~ If I’m alone or in a closed sexual context, a 10.  Otherwise, I don’t mind showing skin, but nothing too private lest I scar the children for life.  But I have no intentions of doing the nude beach thing either, so public nudity is probably more like a 2.

T~ 7 if it’s dark; 10 if I’m completely alone.

What is the longest you’ve ever been celibate after having lost your virginity?

LG~ I lost my virginity to Big, so I’d say not at all, but I’m sure there have been periods of time when he’d say otherwise.

T~ 18 months, 2 years at the most, but I don’t think it was that long.

Have you ever had sex in a car?  If yes, since you were a teenager?

LG~ YES!!  And I never did it as a teen, all my hot car sex was later in life; I knew the risk and it totally escalated the experience.

T~ Yes {evil chuckle} and it never happened as a teen.  One of hubby’s favorite places was in the car.  There were a lot of little back roads where we used to live.

When did you last use food or drink as medication?

LG~ If you mean in the “OMG, I need a drink!” or “Would somebody just pass the chocolate for Pete’s sake!!” then that would be yesterday, maybe the day before.  What did we learn in Harry Potter?  Chocolate is good for chasing away the Dementors.

T~ {Damn, I HATE it when she steals my answers!}

Bonus:  Name three words that:

1.  
   1. Get you excited

LG~ “Is it naptime?”

T~ “Hello,” it doesn’t take much.

1.  
   1. Make you squirm

LG~ “Be very still.”

T~ “There’s a snake!”

1.  
   1. Make you laugh

LG~ “Hey, therya go!” (A line from Steve Martin’s My Blue Heaven, you’d have to see it to appreciate.)

T~ “Pig wart ‘mell” (It’s a LONG story, just chalk it up to kids perspective and mispronunciation)

It happened in an instant.  I was searching something for the restricted teen, I clicked, copied, and before I could finish printing said material it hit, and it hit HARD.  Within mere seconds my computer shut down and when it restarted itself, I could hardly recognize the jarbled mess it had become.

None of my settings were right, I couldn’t read any images, the java scripting was disabled, and there was this hacked version of a Windows “alert” flashing at me, warning me to protect myself.  We discovered very quickly this virus pretends to be a tool, offering spy ware protection that loads even more nastiness if you even try to click the red x in the corner.  Titled the Rogue Antivirus 2009, there is plenty of hidden pieces, and to the dismay of many of the real virus protection software, it does not hide in the same place every time.  It jumps from folder to folder, repopulating itself with every reboot.

It took about 3 hours to find it, dissect it from its hiding places, and get the computer virus free, but the changes it had made to my system in the meantime were a whole different story.  At first it was little things I noticed, stuff not acting right, things I should have been able to see or click on weren’t working properly.  Within 24 hours I was certain of the fate of my machine… it was going to take a destructive recovery to reclaim my system.

Even after such a drastic step, there were issues in restoring.  The rebuilding took nearly a whole day.  Temptress sat determined; systematically reinstalling all the necessary programs, files, and documents to bring my machine back to its previous workable condition.

Who spends their obvious gray matter sitting around thinking these things up?  What kind of inhumane monster gets his jollies at the expense of others, creating something that annihilates everything it touches?

The whole process got me to thinking about maliciousness.  Merriam-Webster online defines malicious as, “given to, marked by, or arising from malice.”  (ya, it couldn’t be a one step thing, could it?)  The subsequent definition for malice is, “desire to cause pain, injury, or distress to another; or the intent to commit an unlawful act or cause harm without legal justification or excuse.”  The fact that we even have a word for such an act or attitude in our language doesn’t say much about us as a people.

I remember when Big and I were going through our Foster Parenting orientation.  There was a lot of paperwork to fill out, interviews, bios, and home studies to be completed.  One question stuck with me.  “What conduct or attribute will you not tolerate in your home?”  There was, of course, a long list of possible bad behaviors that followed, I guess to get me thinking, but I eventually answered… destructiveness.

It is said people fear what they do not understand.  I don’t’ understand destructiveness for malicious reasons.  Many behaviors I can rationalize away.  Even though I don’t agree or believe the same way, I understand why someone else might.  This is something I just don’t get.  I realize this is purely a rhetorical question, but Why, WHY, would anyone want to be that mean; causing harm or destruction ON PURPOSE just to stick it to the other guy.

These computer viruses are just one example of those types of behaviors.  There are plenty of other examples.  Take vandalism, like which unlike looting seems to have no motive other than being an expression of the ugliness within.  And what about the Anthrax scare?  Bullying might fall into that category if I didn’t truly believe that action was a caustic mix of helplessness and power play.  Arson, hoaxes, and even some types of practical jokes can also signal that need to damage something or someone for mere sport, or perhaps no reason at all.  In my opinion, it’s nothing short of personal terrorism.

Certainly psychologists can point to a million scenarios that might explain a person’s motive here, but really, how can one be so miserable the only joy comes from tearing down of another?  Please show me when it actually works to build up oneself at the expense of another?  How does limiting someone else equal net gain?  Where did those cycles of ill will originate and how many random acts of kindness will it take to overturn the negative effects?  When does the logic kick in that only in the lifting of others, can we gain enlightenment of our own?  And how do you convince another that the pain and ugliness of our pasts need not determine the success of our future?

These are the things that wear on me, that tear me down, that change my Pollyanna outlook cynical.  I’d like to believe people, as products of The Creator, are essentially good with positive objectives, that only in the most dire of circumstances we can be altered towards evil intent.  But the longer I live, the more I see evidence to the contrary.  Perhaps this is why I cling so desperately to those I see living on purpose; to those with exemplary character; and to those with tolerance and understanding to see others with eyes outside their own trappings.

Thanks to the tireless efforts of my Temptress, and some helpful hints from sites like BLEEPINGcomputer.com, I am back online, running more effectively than before.  It was a PITA for both of us, but perhaps this is a situation when I can look back and realize regardless of the hassles and inconvenience, of the information loss and time investment, I’m now better off because I (ok, we) had to take a break from our originally scheduled programming and focus on the unexpected.

In a way it was another “take time to smell the flowers” sort of lesson.  I hope in my life I always take time to understand that which the Universe is trying to impart.

~the laundry goddess, November 17, 2008

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” ~Helen Keller

We decided to once again pass on WTF Friday in place of Frugal Friday becasue we wanted to update everyone on our laundry soap recipe.

After a week of using the soap exculsivly and vinegar as fabric softener we are beyond happy to report to success of our experiement.

The white clothes are amazingly bright. The Colors are clear and crisp. The stains don’t stand a chance. The laundry smells AMAZING and clean. And the softness is so far beyond what you get with Downy or any of the other commercial softeners. As an added bonus towels are soft with the added benefit of being “thirsty”. There is nothing worse than a soft towel after bath that doesn’t dry the water on your body.

There are a few comments we have.

• So far we have yet to need the peroxide as a laundry booster…. this soap is wonderful on it’s own. If you have nasty whites, like boys socks, soak them in a cup of borax and washing tub of water overnight.
• We found a wonderful fragrance oil at Wal-Mart… a 2 oz bottle for 1.97 made by Elegant Expressions on the candle isle by the incense. One full bottle to the gallon jug of vinegar adds a pleasant scent.
• When you take the clothes from the washer you will smell a bit of vinegar, but it completely dissapates in the dryer.
• We bought a brand new 5 gallon bucket with lid from Lowes to make and store the detergent in…. and a clear acrylic 1 cup measuring cup with a handle to scoop the detergent with.
• Rather than Fels Naptha, a lot of people are having success with Dr. Bronners Castile Soaps, these are truly organic. They average about $4.20 a bar, so it will raise the cost per load slightly.

Using the math from the calculations of our blog last Friday and adding in the fragrance oil our cost per load is $.29, down from $.66. We are not only pleased with out savings but in the quality of our laundry and the fact that we are doing a small part in helping the environment.

Temptress

Borax

Borax (also known as sodium borate decahydrate; sodium pyroborate; birax; sodium tetraborate decahydrate; sodium biborate) is a natural mineral compound (Na₂B₄O₇ • 10H₂O). It was discovered over 4000 years ago. Borax is usually found deep within the ground, although it has been mined near the surface in Death Valley, California since the 1800s. Can be an irritent on the skin in large concentrations and should not be inhaled in powdered form.

Washing Soda

Also known as sal soda, soda, soda ash and sodium carbonate, it was first created in the laboratory by Nicholas Leblanc a prominent French chemist in the late 18th century. It is made from common salt and limestone. It does occur naturally. The Egyptians used a naturally occurring compound rich in washing soda to mummify the dead. There are also large natural deposits of it in Wyoming, near the Green River.  It is very safe for the environment, breaking down easily and causing no problems.Can be an irritent on the skin in large concentrations and should not be inhaled in powdered form.

Fels Naptha Soap

This product is anticipated to be safe for the environment at concentrations predicted in household settings under normal use conditions. No toxicity information is available for the hazardous ingredient(s).

Even though today is wordless, we wanted to pay respects to our Veterans, regardless of their era…  The Free seldom realize the price you paid for us.  Our family thanks you.

1. Ever been skinny dipping?

LG~ yes, but only in the last few years.  It was liberating.

T~ Yes

2. How often do you kiss or make out without it simply being a foreplay activity?

LG~ With Temptress, as often as possible!  But with the guys, it ALWAYS leads somewhere; it’s a foregone conclusion.

T~ Almost daily, or whenever she’ll let me.

3.  On a scale of 1-10, how content are you with your life?  (1=lowest; 10=highest) Do you think “content” and “happy” are the same thing?

LG~ I’d say an 8.5 most of the time.  I can spike to a 13, but it rarely ever drops below a 6 and that is withstanding severe stressors.  And no, I don’t think content and happy are the same thing, and I’ll make this brief because I could seriously write an entire blog on this point… But I think contentment is a settled feeling, a resolve that you are moving in the right direction, have made good choices, and are pursuing daily happiness.  Whereas happiness is more of a shifting mood, a feeling in the moment; an ephemeral state when all circumstances seem to shift into a place in the happenstance.  Just don’t get me started on the difference between connotation and denotation..

T~ Its not a fair scale; it varies from day to day.  Like life, contentment is variable.  If I stayed within the scale of 1-10, there are many days I’m a ten, and other days I’m a three.  I don’t believe contentment and happiness are the same thing, but they are partners.  Without one, it is difficult to have the other.

4.  What do you do to relieve stress?

LG~ I head for the bathtub!  Long, hot, baths with essential oils and salts.  I can’t do bubbles because we have jets, so I slink in with a book or some relaxing jazz and loose myself in the hum.

T~ Take Goddess to bed!

5.  What was the special trait in your first lover that made you decide they were “the one?”

LG~ Well, the man has lots of good traits, but I didn’t decide he was “the one” as for nearly two decades he was “the only one.”

T~ He had all of the qualities I was looking for in a man at that time; compassion, honesty, he was stable, kind.  He was the kind of person I thought I could spend the rest of my life with.

Bonus.  How old were you when you first had sex.  (Positive responses here…)

LG~ First experience I was 19 – and it was a very positive experience.

T~ I was 17.

I haven’t spent a lot of time dwelling on politics, but this election has sparked a different interest in me.  While I won’t use our blog as a personal platform for my personal political ideologies (we have several different views in our family) I am willing to make nod in the direction of something that impresses me – the current transition between Presidential powers.  Temptress and I have been discussing this since the day after, but today in a Yahoo News story, the following article appeared and I think it sums up a lot about how I feel.  Despite my feelings about Bush’s term (many other factors weighed in there) I feel he’s always conducted himself with a certain amount of maturity and class, well, for the most part.

~LG

You can read the story online with this link… http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081111/ap_on_go_pr_wh/bush_handing_it_over_analysis

Bush handing over power to Obama with grace

Obama and Bush walk along the Colannade

By BEN FELLER, Associated Press Writer Ben Feller, Associated Press Writer – November 11, 2008

WASHINGTON – No matter how people remember President Bush’s time in office, let there be no doubt about how he wants to end it: gracefully.

Never mind that Democrat Barack Obama spent all that time deriding Bush for “failed policies,” or mocking him for hiding in an “undisclosed location” because he was too unpopular to show up with his party’s own candidate, John McCain. This is transition time. Outgoing presidents support the new guy.

And on that front, Bush is going well beyond the minimum. He has embraced the role of statesman with such gusto that it has been hard to miss.

The result is that Bush’s last image at the White House will be one of a magnanimous leader. Whether it will improve his legacy is another matter.

“This has been a very good moment late in his presidency, and, I think it’s fair to say, much appreciated by the nation,” said Cal Jillson, a political science professor at Southern Methodist University, the home of Bush’s planned presidential library.

On Monday at the White House, Bush warmly welcomed Obama, whose dominant win last week was largely seen as a referendum on the Bush years.

The two leaders spent more than an hour discussing domestic and foreign policy in the Oval Office. And then Bush gave Obama a personal tour all around.

The world saw video images that were replayed all day and night: Bush and first lady Laura Bush greeting Obama and his wife, Michelle, as if they were old friends; Bush strolling with the president-elect along the famous Colonnade adjacent to the Rose Garden, both men waving and smiling.

Translation: Smooth transition.

The scene was the latest in a flurry of moves by Bush, all designed to show he is serious about making Obama’s start a success on Jan. 20.

Mere hours after Obama handily ended eight years of Republican rule, Bush commended Americans for making history. “They chose a president whose journey represents a triumph of the American story — a testament to hard work, optimism and faith in the enduring promise of our nation,” Bush said.

If that effusiveness wasn’t enough, he called Obama’s win an inspiring moment and said it will be a “stirring sight” when the whole Obama family arrives.

Then Bush called together about 1,000 employees on the South Lawn and told them to embrace the transition earnestly. This could have been handled in a press release, or even an internal memo to staff. Instead, it was a big, showy expression of support for Obama, with Bush’s Cabinet standing behind him.

“The peaceful transfer of power is one of the hallmarks of a true democracy,” Bush said. “And ensuring that this transition is as smooth as possible is a priority for the rest of my presidency.”

In case anyone missed the point, Bush underscored it in his Saturday radio address. He pledged an “unprecedented effort” to help Obama take power.

Obama’s team is noticing. “So far, cooperation has been excellent,” said transition chief John Podesta, a veteran of Bill Clinton’s White House.

It was Bush’s father, the 41st president, who bitterly lost to Clinton in 1992. But George H.W. Bush ordered his top aides to cooperate with Clinton’s transition team. He was quoted at the time as saying, “Let us all finish the job with the same class with which we served.”

Echoes of that comment can be found in nearly ever statement his son has made since Obama won election one week ago.

“I think grace is a very good word for the way Bush is responding. And I’d say there’s a little bit of the fact that there’s a Bush 41 and a Bush 43,” said Stephen Hess, a senior fellow emeritus at The Brookings Institution and the author of a new book about presidential transitions.

“There is now a presidency stamped in their DNA,” Hess said. “There is a very exclusive club of people who have been president, and they know they may be called on if there’s a crisis. They even somehow bond with other former presidents with whom they were not particularly friendly.”

The former President Bush and Clinton, in fact, have become friends and successful humanitarian partners. The two have raised millions of dollars for victims of hurricanes in the United States and an Asian tsunami.

Back in the day when Clinton was president-elect, he deferred to Bush 41 and said, “America has only one president at a time.” The line sounds familiar: Obama has been saying the same thing about the current President Bush.

Presidents take transitions seriously because they know the world is watching. The goal is to show that the same petty politics that can define an election will not undermine the transfer of power in a democracy.

In other words, statesmanship is expected.

What’s more, Bush has indicated he takes this transition particularly seriously because the nation is in such precarious times. Obama does not inherit a decision about how to spend a budget surplus. Instead, his government will face red ink, an economy in shambles and wars ongoing in Iraq and Afghanistan.

“In calmer times, presidents incoming and outgoing have allowed their emotions to run more freely, to show some displeasure and tension,” Jillson said. “Bush is aware enough to know that the times don’t permit that.”

All this doesn’t just help Obama. Bush’s cooperative approach could serve him well, too. It puts him on the right side of public sentiment.

Ending a tumultuous second term on a positive note certainly can’t hurt his standing as he returns to private life.

But it won’t be enough to alter Bush’s legacy, said Hess, who worked in the Eisenhower and Nixon administrations and advised presidents Ford and Carter.

“The encyclopedia is still going to read: `George W. Bush, 43rd president of the United States, who created a war in Iraq‘ or `who let the country be flooded by Katrina,’” Hess said. “It’s not going to be, `George W. Bush, who left the office gracefully.’”

___

EDITOR’S NOTE — Ben Feller covers the White House for The Associated Press.

Temptress and I stumbled upon interesting thread in the PolyWeekly forums a few weeks ago.  As we normally do, she sat there reading to me as I fritter unfocused at my desk right beside her.  We discussed the post and its replies before deciding to add a response of our own.

You can read the original at http://forum.polyweekly.com/index.php?topic=353.0 or read below the expanded blog worthy revision of our opinions.

~~~

Speaking as the female half of a cohabitating quad, we can say this topic has an extremely broad spectrum, and no single post or essay can begin to quantify all the nuances that poly cohabitation brings to the table.  We (from here on referred to as I for simplicity sake) can say, that like everything else in poly, there are no hard and fast rules and it is up to the constituents of each tribe how they go about setting guidelines that work within that home.

In our particular case, we did not opt for the incremental path.  We closed our eyes tightly and leapt quite quickly into the poly version of what two monogamous couples being monogamous together might look like.  I akin this choice to the differences between marrying your high school sweetheart at age 17 or living a full life first and then marrying at 35.  Both situations have their pros and cons, and which ever path you choose, you don’t have a lot of perspective on the other.  You just look up and say, “here is where we are, where do we go from here?”

I won’t try to dissect or recap our entire three years together (that’s what blog archives are for, right?) but all of us agreed from the start – before we even knew the poly community existed – that the caveat should be “do one relationship right first, when that one is solid, then consider adding more.”  Cohabitation is Life PLUS.  Remember the old commercial with the fried eggs?  “This is you brain, this is your brain on drugs.”  Same with cohabitation – it is not for the weary or faint of heart.

It is my opinion, of course, that cohabitation is the “final frontier;” especially so if you have children.  The four adults made a very serious choice reinforced with commitment (in a private ceremony, if you want to call it that; rings and promises were exchanged) and in so doing blended the lives of nine children.  When times are tough and we feel like selfishly making other choices, it is the love that brought us together and the life of these children that call us back to center.  For better or worse, these 9 children are fused into forced sibling-ness and to separate them now would be, in the words of our therapist, “detrimental and utterly devastating.”  They are our anchor to reality and a constant reminder of our original vision.

Were we adult singles, we might consider cohabitating more like playing extended house with our current lovers, when we as individuals are free to come and go as we please, needing nothing more than communication, honesty, and a Google calendar.  Our quad doesn’t spend every waking moment together, but we are consciously raising our children with the “village” mentality.  Only by living under the same roof did we feel like we were really life partners, not just weekend playthings.  And that doesn’t mean we feel like cohabitating is “THE” right way, just another option that fit best with our ideals.

We are extremely careful about keeping ourselves as much under the radar as possible, seeing as we still live in a conservative area.  That will change at some point in the future (the 3-5 year plan) but for now, we exist to most as “two families sharing residence for financial and child care benefits.”  Some have their suspicions, but we are careful not to confirm that for anyone not poly friendly.  The main thing is making sure we adhere to the residential laws in our county; making sure there are no more than two persons per bedroom and making sure our total numbers jive with the amount of mandatory square footage per occupant.  (For more on that, check your local housing regulations.)

I would think how a clan approaches their (potential) cohabitation would be similar to how they approach poly in general.  If you are the quiet and shy individualist, cohabitating is probably not the right answer for you.  Blending people into a tribe is messy – there is more noise, more issues for debate, and yes, more drama.  But there is also more love, more sex (don’t tell we actually admitted that), and more potential for support in the daily task of living.

With all the ups and downs our poly life has presented us in the last three years, I oft hear people ask, “Does this really make you happy?  Is this really working out for you?”  And I always, ALWAYS, say yes; without a doubt.  I don’t love the turmoil or the drama or the mental game playing, but life is always going to be messy in some way.  Regardless of the choices you make, there are no pristine and uncomplicated lives out there.  At least in this situation I am surrounded by people who love me and who are dedicated to sticking it out, in good times and bad times.  Regardless of our “mood of the day” the love is there, so I continue to hold on with the hope that we all can learn from our mistakes and evolve into the household we once held up as the ideal for what we each wanted in our lives. 

~the laundry goddess, November 8, 2008