This link was forwarded by a friend…We don’t know these obviously fun loving people but  just had to share this amazing show of joy.
The embedding has been disabled, so here is the link… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0

Haven’t indulged this in a while so we thought we’d drop something fun to dilute the recent drama…

Our boys and Big are very active in Boy Scouts. A year ago when we needed a temporay house for 15 months it was thru a scouting family that a rental was found.

This family has 4 boys from 6 to 19 and a little girl who just over 4. All of the boys are well known in the scouting troops and the family is very active overall. Sunday, the dad and one of the middle sons joined two of our boys and the rest of the troop at Scout camp for what was to have been a 5 day adventure.

Given our two connections to this family their recent tradgedy has hit very close to home for us.  Tuesday night , rather late, the oldest boy was found hanging in his closet by his mother. News of his death spread rapidly and the father and son away at camp left in the wee early morning hours to make a long and I’m certain difficult drive home.

As a parent my heart goes out to this family as a mother I am identifying greatly with his mother. It is unimaginable and one of the worst kinds of grief to lose a child. My mind conjurs all of these images of a mother of bringing this life into the world and being alone without your spouse by your side to find this child you gave life too, lifeless and departed from this world. I admit to being almost fixated by this tragedy because of the age of the boy, and the proximity his family had to ours.

Somewhere in the equation of sympathy and empathy I find anger. While his family is in my thoughts and those thoughts are filled with compassion my mind eventually turns to this young man and I find anger.

What in this life could be so horrible that death was the only way out. And putting all of those reasons aside, his father was away, did he give no thought to who would find him. That it would be his mother and that the site of him in death would be etched forever in her mind, that she and those around him would forever wonder and question what they missed, what could they have done or not done to save him. Did it ever cross his mind that rather than his mother it could have been one of his brothers or his sister, barely out of toddlerhood who could have found him.  Or worse still, was it not his pain he was trying to escape, but rather create pain for those who loved him. Was it an act of rebellion or anger that caused him to take this step ?

Those who choose suicide to end their “suffering”, have absolutly no clue to the suffering they will be leaving behind. This boy has left a family shattered, and this family will spend the rest of their lives trying to make sense of everything, trying to put the pieces back to together and hoping for life to be normal again. But it never will be.

Suicide is taking the easy way out, you may leave all of your pain behind, but you leave it for everyone else to deal with. This young man’s death has reached far beyond his immediate family  and the ripples and shockwaves will travel further what one could imagine. I have never personally met this young man, only seen him from afar, and his face now haunts me as my mind replays the agony his mother must have went thru and imagining the difficulty of getting thru these next few days of funeral preperation, viewings and laying him to rest.

Our boys and their troop will be returing home a day early in order to have the opportunity to pay their respects. They are  going to be taking part in something I wish for no young person and that is to say a final goodbye to a life ended to soon. 

I urge you our readers, please take time to be aware of your young ones. Talk to them. Let them know it is safe to talk to you. There are times when kids need us to be parents, and others when they just need us to be shoulders and ears. And let them know that if they can not talk to you, you will help them find someone that can talk to. And if that is an avenue your child takes, don’t be offended. Be grateful , because that person may be the one to save your child’s life.

Temptress

In this life. You eather win or lose. The question is how you play your life. As long as your fair and honest about all that you do then that’s the best you can do. The end is not importent its how you get there. And this family has been strong and will do what it takes to get thru. As long as everyone plays nice and fair. We are only weak if one wants to take what they want and not care about the others. This is not how to play life. Its time to play it right and look out for the others that are involved in this life that we effect.

Much has been said these past months concerning a win/win situation. To clarify, an agreement whereby ALL FOUR of us each give something, and each receive something in this relationship and in so doing everyone is fulfilled with the majority of their needs met.
So here is MY win/win… it is not ideal but I think it is fair to all parties.
• Cohabitation amongst the two families continues with both dyads maintaining separate sleeping quarters. With as much equality between them as possible.
• Both original Dyads remain intact
• No hierarchies. No one “pulls” anyone. If someone needs time or is feeling lost or adrift, they may request private time to re-connect as their partner has time. In return, the requested partner should be mindful of the request and try within the boundaries of home and kids to accommodate the request. Hierarchies ONLY come into play with specific issues such as final decisions with Bio children issues, legal and financial issues and extended family issues.
• All parties understand that they alone CAN NOT fully meet the needs of another member, and in so doing respect that within our situation there are others who may have the ability meet some of the “un-mets” and be mindful that nothing is being “taken” from them in so doing, in fact they will reap the rewards of a more fulfilled and happy partner.
• Goddess, IF SHE SO CHOOSES , has the ability to spend 3 out of each 7 calendar nights with Fix and Temptress. She will TRY to be mindful of Big’s schedule so as to schedule theses nights while he is away. But in the event his schedule does not allow for this, he will be understanding and not do anything to stand in the way of this time.
• If Fix has a out of town repair for an overnight, Goddess has the ability to travel that night away with him for their dyad time. If that overnight is not such that she can travel, then she also has the choice to spend that night alone with Temptress. Since the nature of Fix’s job can cause these nights to be last minute and unexpected, ALL parties will be understanding of this and will do what they can to accommodate the situation.
• If one of the above nights happens in such a way that it is more than 3 nights in a calendar week, if Big requests, the following week can be shortened if need be because of the last minute nature. The exception to this is if a trip such as scout camp or extended work trip takes Big away from home for an extended period, those missed days are not made up in the week following. But scheduling will allow for Goddess to spend the first two nights of his return with him.
• Special accommodations should always be made for anniversaries, birthdays and the like.
• Trips: Each dyad has the ability to take at least 1 trip per year of at least 3 days. Each original couple should also strive for a longer more extended vacation. The functioning triad should also be granted at least 1 trip per year of at least 3 days.
• Big and Fix will continue to contribute to the household financial needs as they have discussed and agreed to with their spouse.
• Understanding that the women have full time jobs in the care of the home and children and all of the duties that entails, they will continue to seek ways to contribute to the family’s financial needs as their time allows. Once all children reach middle school age, this will be re-negotiated.
• Other relationships: Fix, Goddess and Temptress wish to remain in a closed and fluid bonded triad. In being mindful of the needs of Big and Big being mindful of the health and well being of all parties it is understood that…… Big may date as he sees fit, paying special attention to family commitments as the first priority. Big may have 1 or 2 SO’s with whom he is intimate with. The particulars of these intimacies are to be decided upon by Goddess and Big as Fix and Temptress are wholly confident she will keep the safety of the closed triad in the forefront of her stipulations.

I fell asleep last night once again feeling alone and bereft even though Fix was 6 inches from me. I had spent the better part of the evening trying to get my feelings of anger and resentment under control.

Goddess has taken some very serious steps in her relationship with Big. Steps that has her feeling strong and empowered. She is proud of herself and who she is and I am proud of her as well. Not just for her strength recently but for who she is all around.

She made a few comments yesterday afternoon that led me to understand that while she has taken many steps forward with Big, she is still in a many ways allowing the time he is here in the home to dictate the time she spends with me/us. I was of the mistaken opinion that there would be more we could count on, but it still seems that time spent must still be done in his absence. No sleeping schedule next week until he decides what his plans are…. no time spent in the early morning unless he is leaving early for appointments or excercise. No date this week, home and family have eaten up that time, but he sure as hell is still getting his date Sunday.

It’s ok if life eats into OUR time together, but can always expect exclusive alone time. While we as usual must work around our responsabilities of home and family. She and I, or She and Fix and I can not shut ourselves away for 4+  hours for a private dinner and a movie. We can not set a standing date weekly where it is expected he will monitor the kids in our absence. We can not take hours in the afternoon of private talk time. Every single thing we do MUST be worked around the home and children.

The opportunity to watch a 1 hour Tivo’ed program only happens if we are prepared for it to take 3 hours with NUMEROUS  interuptions. But his time is exclusive, it always has been. I resent that we do not “rank” high enough to be given these same opportunities.

I was told yesterday that he would be leaving very early for a hike this morning and because of that she could come and snuggle in the early morning with us.

I used the expectation of that time together to try to keep my emotions in check last night. And this morning woke at 6 am with an air of expectancy. By 8:30, I got tired fo waiting. It became obvious that he wasn’t going hiking after all and that meant she was were she was “supposed” to be. It is now shortly after 9 and I waffle between wanting to dissolve into tears or throw something.

I am angry as hell at him. He changed, he is the one who doesn’t want this family anymore. The three of us still do, we are still here, we want this. But becasue he changed he feels he gets to have things his way. We will never be anythign more than secondary, we will always come after his needs and wants are filled. And to be honest I am angry a her. Angry  that she is allowing, STILL allowing it to be this way. She tell sme she wants it to be different, but I don’t see it.

He recent actions where she is concerned will make things better for her where there relationship is concerned. Communication paramenters, rules of engagment, and his treatment of her. But I see no changes for us.

She is torn, I see that. She is in the worst place possible, stuck between people who love her. and I understand that she has to make choices and find a blance within herself.

I am a rational being, and i understand all of this….. but it doens’t make it any easier. It doesn’t make me want her less.   I got spoiled. As long as Big and I had a relationship, I was able to be with her. I had to be with him 99% of the time in order to have that time with her but it was ok. Tv time, or talk time or whatever was had while he either joined us or flitted around working or ??? Becasue he was included my time with her was sanctioned.

Now that things are seperate, she has to actually take time “from him” to be with me/us. This is where the trouble all stems from. All he can see is what he doesn’t have when she is with us. BUt he can’t understand what  a lions share he has and what we are missing so that he can have that place with her.

I’m trying very hard to tamp down my expections, and to learn to live with what she can give. I don’t want to be angry or resentful anymore. We get so little time, I would prefer it was spent in peace and happiness.

Temptress

P.S. Once again my anger won. Loving another person can bring our your best and your worst. Lately it seems to be my worst. My resentment has hurt her.  I htink the best I can do is to no longer ask nor expect any thing other than what materializes. Make no plans, create no expectations, just take one moment at a time and be grateful for whatever happens to fall into my lap.

I found this on our EMO daughters website today.
Pretty profound I thought……

“life offers us many choices. But the option to be strong is only given, when being strong is the only choice you have left.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Temptress