Haven’t indulged this in a while so we thought we’d drop something fun to dilute the recent drama…

I was answering questions on OKC today….

I was asked:

Which of the following relationship timelines would you prefer?

1.    Attraction > lovers > love > friends

2.    Friends > love > attraction > lovers

3.    Attraction > friends > love > lovers

4.      Attraction > friends > lovers > love

So I answered #3, what most people I think would have answered. While perusing the answers however I realized for the most part #1 is what describes or described Big and myself.

Three years ago we found an attraction to each other. Well I did anyway, I won’t speak for him as to what exactly the attraction for him was ( the thrill of the hunt I am guessing).

Very quickly after the attraction we moved to stage 2 and became lovers. I was satisfied with this, as I am going to assume he was. Then after 4 months of living together my defenses lowered and a weekend away changed everything for me. I fell in love with him. And reveled in stage 3.

So that is where things stood for me until last week. I knew that he cared for me, I also knew he was not “in-love” with me, I knew that he was camped at stage 2.  I was under the stupid and mis-guided assumption that I could love him enough for both of us. Until last week … I realized after over hearing a conversation he had with Goddess that what I thought he felt for me… well even that was a fantasy on my part. I was expendable, I was a thorn in his side where she was concerned, I was competition for him in her affections, I was a commitment he had made, and really nothing more than that.

So now I am trying to find a way to convince my heart that it is time to move to the 4^th stage, to the stage of friends. It is time to let him go, to help my heart and my mind find the path to releasing him and coming to a place where I can breathe, where being in the same room with him doesn’t cause me to fall apart, where I can sleep at night, rather than lie awake wanting to feel his arms around me.

It is time for my heart to come to grips with reality and find a way for us to be just friends and housemates.

Temptress