How does an
average, middle class, traditional couple go from a
conservative manner to an alternate lifestyle? Our
story is not quite the adventure one would expect
from an exotic sounding label such as “poly-fi
quad,” but I can sum our placement here in a few
words. We didn’t go looking for it, the
relationship found us.
That is not
to say we weren’t “open” to the idea
of exploring some other relationship options. That
had been a topic of much conversation over the years
prior to beginning this path. I’d love to
be able to point to a specific time, event, or change
of heart that set us upon our detour that landed us
in the middle of poly-ville, but simply all I can say
is one small thing lead to another. Each
seemingly minor juncture only drew us closer to what
has become one of the most fulfilling journeys of my
life. I could say it was something like falling
asleep in the midst of a Kansas tornado and waking up
in Munchkinland on my way to the Emerald City of Oz.
The yellow brick road never saw the likes of this
before! Four adults and nine children living as
one large “blended” family under one roof?
We’re DEFINIELTY not in Kansas anymore,
Toto…
The Temptress
and I have been friends for a while. A long
while, actually. We met when we were both
expecting our “millennium babies.” We
realized almost instantaneously how similar we were
in thought and deed. Our parenting styles and
boundaries were eerily similar, our tastes in
home styles and hobbies the same, our children’s
ages practically synched up, and our men, well, they
were alike in the important ways (hard working,
loving family men) and curiously opposite in others
(careers, abilities, approach to life). That
mix of “right” similarities and
“right” differences made us a magnetic
pair. We could spend hours together talking,
and we talked practically every day.
Due to family
circumstances we found ourselves soon distanced by
many miles, so the majority of our early years
consisted of email correspondence and a few rare
personal visits. Over the course of about seven
years, each of our lives held parallel course. We
each had ups and downs, financial issues, family
crisis, marital challenges, spiritual enlightenment,
and personal growth. Although we typically
arrived at a similar destination (but not always), we
were able to process our individual thoughts and use
each other as a sounding board for finding our way
through the curves life sent us. I always felt
a unique and warm connection to her, like two
interlocking pieces of a puzzle – different, yet
strangely and perfectly suited to one another.
Then one day,
something changed. Neither the temptress nor I
can clearly understand the shift that occurred from a
shared dream, a dropped hint, and a spoken vision.
Actually, perhaps it was more of a Freudian slip; a
“did I say that out loud?” type of
utterance, but we began to move and speak in new
ways. We considered things we hadn’t
before, and we giggled together, a lot. Long
distance relationships are one thing, but a long
distance poly quad? Was that even possible?
We had more questions than answers: What would
that mean for us, our families? When would we
see each other? And then, How? How would we
figure out what we were doing? Monogamous
relationships are hard enough, but polyamory brings
with it a whole extra helping of issues with which to
contend.
Of course,
the guys had been involved on the other side of our
conversations. The pillow talk was exciting and
made for some heavy discussions, but we progressed
with two caveats between the couples: The first
- Total honesty, brutal if need be, and no holding
back to spare feelings. We had to be able to
trust each other. And secondly – we would move
at the pace of the slowest person. From time to
time that changed up a bit, but mostly it was a
predictable position. (We love you, sweetie! Can
I take this opportunity to remind you just how much
you mean to us? :)
No matter the
challenges we encountered, nor the amount of doubts
we had in actually “pulling off” this most
unique relationship, giving up on that dream was
never an option. We had fallen totally head
over heels in love with both of them. It was
all too perfect. We were perfect for each
other. And the mere thought of living a life
without that completeness that they offered, was just
too abominable to consider.
Once our
minds had embraced a union, the planning of
relocating our families to near proximity began.
Like Dorothy in that tornado, we came together,
relocated, and then combined households all within
four short months. Whew! Now here we are
– fully committed and wondering what comes next.
We’re sort of making up the rules as we go
along, since we have very little information on which
to base any real choices for our lives. For
now, we’re talking it all day by day – and
you’ll be here right along with us.
Temptress's Version
